I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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