apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
