did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
