Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
