Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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