You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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