but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
