I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
