god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
