He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
