When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
40s are totally the cure
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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