I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize