Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
