You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
