eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
