I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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