The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
