I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
