roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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