guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
