Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
