Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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