Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
