I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
