I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I currently don't understand fingers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
