Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
