I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
