lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
