it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
