Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
