you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
