It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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