Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
