Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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