I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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