i was rollin on her like bob the builder
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
