so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
