what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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