my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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