how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
