I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
