Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
