My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
