thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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