the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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