I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
