i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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