either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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