I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
