dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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