I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
