too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
