I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
