That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
