Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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