i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
