hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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