Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
