Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
