Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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