so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
