you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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