Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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