dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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