We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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