i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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