last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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