i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
