who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
